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Pam’s House Blend:: Taking “bat sh-t crazy” to a whole new level: The Conservative Bible Project.

“The story of David and Jonathan: So Jonathan hetero-loved David a whole lot, and David and Jonathan made a covenant before the Lord, right? But it was like, totally a platonic covenant before the Lord. And Saul got all pissed at Jonathan for choosing David, to the shame of his mother’s nakedness, but like, don’t we all make bad friend choices sometimes? Then Jonathan gave David all his clothes and they kissed, but in a non-homo way, for sure. Then David got all large and stuff ’til he exceeded, but TOTALLY in a hetero sense. And then later Jonathan died and David was totally sad and was all, “Yo, Jonathan, your love was greater to me than that of women, but not like, in a sexy way or anything.” The End.”

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