Obscanity: You'll know it when you see it

‘Pregnant man’ and wife: We’re a normal couple – CNN.com.

I have been reading people’s comments on the various blogs discussing this story. I will *never* understand how people can be so ignorant that they do not understand the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity. So let’s try to spell it out in an easy way.

Some people who are born as women identify as men. Some people who were born as men identify as women. Some people identify with neither gender, and some people identify with both. People who don’t identify with one particular gender sometimes call themselves “genderqueer.” People who identify with an opposite gender sometimes call themselves “transgender.”

Sometimes this dissonance is because their brains are hard-wired to identify with one gender, while their bodies reflect another gender. Many trans people will tell you that they always felt that their bodies were not right, that their bodies did not belong to them. This is called gender dysphoric disorder, and has led many a trans kid to suicide out of sheer confusion and helplessness. *Many* trans people know that they are transgender even from childhood – in fact there are many transgender children even now who are living their lives as a gender different from the one they were born with. You think this is a sexual deviancy thing, but if you could see these children who are *so much* happier being able to live as they *are*, you would understand.

You cannot “fix” a person’s gender identity. You identify with the gender you are, regardless of what your body says. We have known for years that there are really more than two genders – some societies have known it for generations. We are a society that loves its dichotomies, though, so we try to force people into boxes. This doesn’t always work. Most of us are born with a physical body that reflects our genetic and spiritual gender. Some people are not.

Now, sometimes people identify with an opposite gender because genetically and chromosomally, they ARE that opposite gender, but physically, something went wrong. In more cases than most of us actually realize, babies are born with ambiguous genitalia, and the doctors decide it will be easier to just do reconstructive surgery and make the baby a girl or boy and hope they made the right guess. Sometimes they are right – and sometimes they are not. This is called “intersex,” and is an absolute abomination on the part of the doctors, who make a life-changing decision for a child based on what is most convenient for themselves.

None of this has ANYTHING to do with sexual orientation. Gender identity is about the gender you *are*. Sexual orientation is about the gender you *love.* Many trans people are heterosexual. They share their lives with their partners in a heterosexual relationship. Some trans people are gay. Some trans people are bi. Gender identity and sexual orientation are not the same thing so quit trying to tell this man that he is a gay woman. Believe me – if you knew trans people, you would know that this approach is ridiculous and unnatural. A straight man is not a gay woman just because he happened to be born with the wrong genital parts. So he chose not to have a full hysterectomy – that is a dangerous procedure that not all trans people choose to have. And if he has the opportunity to have biological children when his wife is infertile, why shouldn’t he take it? Wouldn’t it be nice if more women with difficulty conceiving could pass that particular duty on to their husbands?

Frankly I just wish people could get the hell over themselves and realize that just because they can’t relate to something, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong or morally corrupt.

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